HOW To Discuss

Some may be wondering why I gave a shout-out to the King City Police for their help today. I am always glad to see especially a small municipality choose to allocate their resources in ways that are helpful, and providing food to those who are in need and cannot go out is a great service. So, thanks for that decision, King City. 

You who know me know I am a social scientist and one thing that we social scientists really like is civil discourse. It turns out that my shout-out to the King City Police generated a pretty lively discussion, which is not really surprising, given the current social climate. For social scientists, when everyone doesn't agree - we're ok with that. So what I would like to do is talk about HOW to discuss things about which there is disagreement.

When I am teaching my students how to discuss controversial issues, there are rules. (When I explain the rules, I use first-person examples.) One of the rules is that no one gets to discount the experience of another. And that includes “whataboutism”. That’s when someone says something, and I reply with “yes, but what about…”. Nope. What is appropriate is for me to say “I am sorry that happened to you”. Or “that must have been tough”. Or “that sounds like a difficult situation”. Or, maybe to not say anything, and to ponder what the other person has said.

Another rule is that, as a white woman of privilege, I do not get to talk over a person of color when they are discussing their reality. So that means I do not talk over Jarra. And I do not talk over Eddie. Even though I have nieces who are women of color. And even though I have friends who are POC. And even though I have students who are POC. And even if I have gone out of my way to become educated and well-read. I still will never know what their experience is. Why? Because I cannot experience it myself. Now, please understand I am not talking about empathy. Yes, I can learn to empathize. But I cannot ever KNOW their experience. So it is not my place to tell them what is really so. I can speak to what I know personally, but I cannot speak to what they know. And what I know does not negate what they know.

Everyone is at a different place in their journey, and everyone’s journey is influenced by their experiences. I grew up with a father who worked as a police detective. He helped put people in prison who bilked old folks out of their life’s savings. He helped Southeast Asian immigrants in Portland keep their businesses afloat when they were being threatened by organized crime protection rackets. He investigated robberies and murders. So that is often the lens through which I have seen the police. But that is also my lens of being a white woman of privilege, who has never been threatened or violated by the police. We are seeing a much more militaristic and reactive police culture now than that in which my dad worked. The training is very different than when he used to teach at the police academy. And POC are disproportionately arrested and imprisoned. According to the UN, in 2016 27% of arrests in the US were of Black individuals, while the Black population of the US was 13%. Black and Hispanic Americans make up 29% of the overall population, but are 59% of the US prison population. These are just two statistics that are indicative of the huge systemic problem with race and American policing, and we haven't even looked at the historic role of policing and the Black community. This is the crux of the outcry against policing in the US. In the discussion thread on my post, Eddie says that by saying ACAB “we are not referring to the Person who is the cop. Cop is not an identity, it’s a uniform that a person chooses to put on every day. And with that choice comes complicity in a system that is BUILT on the oppression of Black bodies. So no, your uncle Steve who’s a cop isn’t a bad guy, but by being a cop he is choosing the side of the oppressor…”. Food for thought. Challenging concepts. Ideas for discussion. But not for “whataboutism”. And not for “my dad was a cop, and so I am an expert”. Or “I know Black people, and so I can speak for them”. And not "but not all cops..." Nope.

So, my request is that those who choose to post on my page follow the rules that I feel are important. And if you are not comfortable with my rules, feel free to post on another page. 

THE BLESSING - LEBANON

My friend Roula, a teacher who lives is Beirut, shared this video blessing that was created by musicians from a number of faith groups in Lebanon. Singers include Roula, her husband Bassem, and their daughter and son Samantha and Brandon.

These inclusive words are resonating with me today:

May His presence go before you
And behind you, and beside you
All around you, and within you
He is with you, He is with you

In the morning, in the evening
In your coming, and your going
In your weeping, and rejoicing
He is for you, He is for you

He is for you, He is for you
He is for you, He is for you

He is for you, He is for you

God is for you. Amen.  

THE BLESSING - LEBANON (link) 

June 5, 2020 was NOT graduation day at Tigard High

When I was a student teacher at Tigard High School in 1988, my mentor teacher (Joe Calpin) helped me encounter the full spectrum of the educator experience. Besides guiding me in how to plan and how to teach, he strongly suggested I assist with the JV softball team, which led to a 20+ year career coaching high school softball, mostly as a Varsity assistant for several different head coaches. And he insisted that I help with graduation, which was held that year at the Chiles Center on the University of Portland campus. As a life-long musician who has been involved in countless shows, I realized after the ceremony was over that graduation is The. Best. Show. Ever. It's an amazing production, with myriad moving parts that all come together to make a fantastic show, and the graduates are the stars. People are happy and rejoicing and for an evening, everyone is celebrating. And I have worked every Tigard High graduation since.

 

Education is a family affair

We have graduated out of our own stadium for over 20 years, and we do it up better than pretty much anyone. As Graduation Coordinator, I work with the Graduation Administrator and Senior Class Advisor, plus a fantastic support staff, and we've got our moves down. Reserving extra bleachers, ordering floral arrangements, auditioning seniors who want to provide musical entertainment, assisting valedictorians with their speeches, making arrangements for the fireworks show, printing entry tickets for friends and family. In early March, I met with the representative from the company that provides the sound support for our outdoor ceremony. Four days later, COVID-19 closed down all schools in Oregon. 

Such a jolt. Students immediately reached out and asked "What about the band trip?" "What about prom?" And, "We'll still have graduation, right??" And, not knowing what living during a time of pandemic means, the response was "We really have no idea - stay tuned and we'll let you know as soon as we know". The 1st thing that happened was the cancellation of the band Disney performance and clinic trip (we were supposed to be on a plane on March 21). Then prom. And Spring sports. And school became an online phenomenon, invented and re-invented as we go along. And then, in-person graduation was cancelled. 

Many things have been done in the interim to make sure that our seniors will be celebrated. Online meetings with student representatives. Suggestions from parents. Graduation committee meetings. Countless conversations with technical experts. Drive-thru senior cap and gown pickup with yard signs, balloons, music, and Kessler's fog machine. Updates from the Oregon Department of Education. Directives from TTSD administration. More graduation committee meetings.

Graduation balloon pillar

Fast-forward to today, June 5. The calendar says Tigard High Graduation - 7:30 pm. And family is not gathered in the stadium. Students are not in the gym, adjusting their gowns. I do not have a microphone in my hand and I am not saying to them "TIGARD HIGH SCHOOL, ARE YOU READY TO DO THIS???" as we line them up in a serpentine to process out of the gym and down to the field. There is no presentation of the colors, no band playing Pomp and Circumstance (nod to Edward Elgar), no array of 15 seats x 15 rows x 2 sections on the turf with a wide aisle to accommodate two lines of robed and capped seniors marching in to cheers. There is instead, an odd emptiness hanging over the evening. 

The stadium scoreboard, lit up for the Class of 2020

And then at 7 pm, my daughter (THS Librarian and Graduation Assistant) started laughing and showed me the Doppler radar and the hourly weather forecast. With our outdoor venue, weather is always stress-producing, some years more than others. [Several years ago, with possible lightening activity in the forecast (!), local meteorologist Sally Showman graciously texted back and forth with me all day, helping us decide that yes, we WOULD be safe to go through with our outdoor celebration.] And now, this first year in decades with no stadium graduation happening, the thunder and lightening was upon us. A cosmic joke, perhaps?  

Active weather, right over THS. Just as the prelude music should be starting.

Graduation this year looks different, and yet similar. Valedictorian speeches will still be heard, but have been recorded for the virtual ceremony. Students have auditioned for musical entertainment as well, for that same taped celebration. Valedictorians and IB Diploma candidates were presented with their medals and hoods, during a drive-around delivery by administrators and senior teachers. A teacher chosen by the students will offer words, school board members will congratulate, and the Senior Class and ASB Presidents will turn their tassels, all on tape. And there will be a drive-thru ceremony on June 20, where one graduate at a time will get out of their car in Cook Park for their diploma and photo op with administration. Friends and family will be able to watch, thanks to a local media company that will help us out with live-streaming in a location that normally has no WiFi.

June 5, 202 was NOT graduation day at Tigard High. But June 20 WILL be. AccuWeather says it's supposed to be quite nice. But I might shoot Sally Showman a message, just in case.

 Looks like a nice day